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If you definitely don’t want her there, then don’t invite her (her insults toward you and your fiance are reason enough to exclude her), but if including her is important to your mother, then you should consider it.
You might be able to marginalize Granny enough that you can reduce her from being the offensive center-of-attention, to the rude, eccentric elderly lady who keeps trying to smoke at the reception hall.
Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I (we’re gay) recently decided to get married, but my fiance and various family members are suggesting that we exclude my 92-year-old grandmother from the wedding. She says offensive and hurtful comments to everyone to elicit a reaction, regardless of the setting or situation.
She loves to call people “fat” or “dumb,” uses female pronouns for my fiance and me, and (our favorite) -- lights cigarettes indoors or in restaurants.
My parents have talked to her about her behavior, and nothing has changed. I called my grandmother and told her that I want to invite her to the wedding, but that I’m worried about her upsetting other guests.
She laughed, and told me, “That’s just who I am, can’t change now,” and made it clear that she expects to be invited. — Future Groom Dear Groom: Your blow-hard granny has thrown down the gauntlet by declaring her intention to offend others.