It also means that the lines become very blurred because many women do not end up being able to distinguish between this so-called rubber banding and someone who is actually using a cycle of distancing themselves and then returning to control the relationship and manage down your expectations.For people with issues who will want to control their environment as much as possible, they use blowing hot and cold and the pushey pulley game to teach you what to expect from the relationship and ultimately, what initially will have felt uncomfortable to you will eventually become familiar and habitual, even though it is actually uncomfortable.I didnt know this was cheating until i saw how much it hurt him So my boyfriend and I have been together 8 months.It's been pretty close to perfect over all until last weekend.Stress, grief, coping just after a break-up, trauma and a variety of things can, for periods of time, impact on our ability to emotionally engage on a healthy level with someone.Where this rubber band theory is problematic is where there are relationships with poor or non existent foundations and also by creating the expectation that all men behave in this way, many women have misguidedly failed to recognise the major red flags in their men when they are in the early stages of dating them. I have no idea what has triggered the sudden gathering of questions but one of the most common issues with the assertion that ‘men are like rubber bands’.John Gray essentially believes that men have an intimacy cycle that is comparable with a rubber band, which stretches (this is when the man pulls away) and then eventually springs back, which is when he wants to get closer.
I know that I can't have anything which I am not willing to give, so to me the risk is well worth it. I saw video of Grays that added another dimension to the rubber band theory, he talks about how men don't like things brought up constantly (like when women try to talk to make themselves feel better) and we should respect that because it doesn't feel good to be reminded of the past when you're trying to enjoy the moment and just move forward. But such advice would certainly explain the sad guy’s lament that: “Nice guys finish last.” Or, in this new poetic mode: “Nice begets ice.” But then how do we explain the “bad boy” syndrome, so familiar to Hollywoodfans? Remember: Too much pulling on an elastic band will eventually break it. Or, more prosaically, what have your relationships been like? After significant trouble due to distancing and not sharing true feelings (both sides) in my marriage, we're now separated and I'm seeking "answers".There are a few key things that you need to take into account to assimilate your situation: 1) Are you in a hot and cold/pushey pulley cycle with your guy? Where there is one dubious pattern of behaviour there will be others plus red flags and boundary crossings.If so, this is a very strong indicator of problems. The truth is, when you open your eyes and take off the rose tinted glasses of betting on potential, the reality may add up to a whole lot of issues. Being a bit quiet or doing a few things he enjoys doing on his own, or trying to shag other women, completely ignoring you to the point of hostility, or straight up disappearing?They make allowances for poor behaviour believing that this is ‘just what men do’ and spend copious amounts of energy trying to understand, fix, heal, help, and accommodate what often amounts to bullsh*t behaviour.I speak to people who are in healthy relationships all the time and not one of these people is caught up in some guys ‘relationship menstrual cycle’!Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc.Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing...he was pursuing initially and has been in regular contact but the last 3 days has gone quiet aside from a call i missed from him and when i returned it (unanswered) i got a text saying he would call me the next day. i'm sure i will but my question is, what should my position on this be? it's a bit rude of him and indication he's not that interested if has nearly dropped off the radar all of a sudden and therefore give him a wide berth/take with a pinch of salt or....2.a predictable part of the aforementioned 'male intimacy cycle/rubber band effect' and nothing to worry about so if/when i hear from him i should be upbeat and normal.